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Who I Have Not Become

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At some point in life, we all dream of becoming someone else, someone different from who we are now. We have certain aspirations and hopes. Sometimes we live up to our dreams. Sometimes they remain just that … dreams.

When I was growing up in Lithuania, I intended and planned to become someone important, creative, popular and interesting. No, I did not want to make archeological discoveries of the century. I did not want to become an astronaut, explore space and find another universe. I was definitely not shooting for anything extraordinary. My aspirations and hopes were pretty mundane.

Who I Have Not Become

An actress. Who hasn’t dreamed at least once of becoming one? When I was twelve, I acted in the school theatre. I played a conniving and deceiving fox who tried to sabotage chickens. It was fun. However, my dream of becoming an actress ended on that stage.

A singer. I have no voice or sense of music whatsoever. When I was eight years old my mother took me to a choir audition. It was the most embarrassing experience I have had as a kid. Thankfully, I moved on.

A librarian. I have a Master’s Degree in Library Science. I have never worked in a library. For some reason I was not enthralled with books, and wanted to spend my life between dusty bookshelves. My life took a very different course.

A journalist. In the independent Lithuania it was impossible to get into a university and study journalism without bribing someone. Even after the collapse of the Soviet Union, bribes were a part of the daily business. Old habits died hard. My mother did not have money to bribe the whole admission panel at the university, so I had to forget my dream of becoming a journalist.

A teacher. I grew up in a family of teachers. However, back home being a teacher was not a well-paid job, and I chose a different career. Sometimes money decides for you what profession you choose.

A KGB agent. Don’t forget that I grew up in the USSR! It was a dream of almost every kid. The KGB agents were romanticized and idealized. We believed that they were heroes. That was until we grew up and learned what the KGB was all about. No one can admit now that they wanted to be one.

A minimalist. Really. Even a spender like me sometimes dreams of downgrading their lifestyle, and reducing possessions. Even a consumer like me believes that material things do not define us. Am I ever going to become a minimalist? I never dismiss this possibility. However, I don’t think it’s happening this year. Or any time soon.

What about you? Who have you not become?

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