I can easily say “no” to other people. But I have to admit that it did take me a long time to learn to say “no” to others. Now, I don’t even think twice. If there is something I don’t want to be a part of, I simply say “no.” Sometimes I don’t even offer any explanation.
However, saying “no” to myself is the hardest thing of all. For a few obvious reasons:
- I love myself
- I am quite selfish
- I don’t want to deprive myself
- I want to feel good
- I love spending money
In spite of the fact that I do realize that my finances require a lot of work, I still have problems denying myself the pleasures of shopping. Especially impulse shopping. Especially when I am stressed.
October was another rough month. Guess what I did? I indulged in shopping therapy. It all ended up badly for my bank account and for my guilty conscious. We ran out of money in our checking account between our paydays. This hasn’t happened for a long time.
I, also, was overwhelmed by buyer’s remorse. I am a human being, and as such I am constantly tempted to take the easy path, even though I do realize that this path will not lead me to real happiness.
What I bought in October:
- Work clothes. I do need work clothes. So I went on a shopping spree and bought some very expensive clothes. I have the great excuse of infiltrating the good ol’ boys club. Therefore, the clothes stay.
- Biker boots. I agree that this is a very questionable purchase, especially taking into account the fact that I do not ride motorcycles. I love the look and comfort that biker boots provide. The boots stay.
- Two handbags. Both were returned a week later after I convinced myself that I do not need another handbag.
- A pair of jeans. I am trying to keep up with the trend of colored jeans. The jeans were returned a week later because I do not need another pair of colored jeans.
- “The Twelve” by Justin Cronin. I am a big fan of “The Passage”, and I could not wait for the sequel to come out. Kindle edition. Stays.
Besides being a big fan of Justin Cronin, I am also a big fan of Jung and Freud. I perform some self-analysis on a very irregular basis. I do it for different reasons, mostly because I try to understand my impulses better. I try to figure out where that starting point was when all things went wrong.
Reasons I Can’t Say “No” to Myself
- My childhood. I was born and raised in the Soviet Union. We did not have much. Sometimes I am trying to compensate for things I never had: designer clothes, shoes, handbags. This is how I developed an overcompensation problem.
- I think I owe myself this. Ever had this feeling? I usually don’t feel that way, but on a very stressful day it emerges, and I don’t suppress it.
- I love the feeling of spending money. I guess it goes back to where I come from. Once I’ve been poor. Then, much later, I’ve become not rich but, let’s say, much more comfortable than I’ve ever been. Spending money became an award to myself for what I’ve achieved.
It is a constant internal struggle in me, trying to say “no” when I want to go ahead and do it.
Have you said “no” to yourself recently? Share with me your tips!