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The Sadistic Side of Santa

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I know, I know: the Holidays are over; it is time to move on.

My Christmas was gloomy and snowy. I did not get to see Le Miserables because it was all sold out. I did not know that people like to go to movies on Christmas. We did not go cross-country skiing because it was snowing. New Year’s Eve passed by in a blur of faking holiday cheer and being obnoxious to people.

Before I finally forget the holidays and do move on, I want to talk about re-gifting. Specifically, I want to ask you to please stop re-gifting me some crap that you also got as a gift. Please have some dignity and some respect for both of us.

Re-gifting is becoming a trend. Some people call it a frugal trend. Some people call it recycling. They even call themselves environmentalists. Give me a break, all right? Re-gifting is not frugal. It is not recycling. Drop that delusion of yours that you are saving the environment.

Re-gifting is cheap,thoughtless, and offensive. You want to be frugal and thoughtful? Bake me a cookie!

When did it become acceptable to re-gift an unwanted gift? Is it because you think that I might like it (emphasis on might)? Is it because you think you might score and become a forever beloved guest of honor? I hate to break the bad news to you, but most likely you are going to become a well-known jerk who “brought that ugly thing.”

Examples of Useless Junk I Got for Christmas

  1. A book signed to a friend. It was a poetry book. You could have forgotten that I do not read poetry. But how in the world did you forget that my name is not Theresa?
  2. Bible. We all know by now that I am agnostic from the former Soviet Union. Should I take your gift as a hint and go to church? I, honestly, do not know what to think. At least, you didn’t give me The Book of Mormon. For that, I thank you!
  3. Used bright pink lipstick. Have you ever seen me wearing pink lipstick? Have you? Please look into my eyes and answer my question.
  4. A Blazing Saddles DVD. I know there are those who love Blazing Saddles. Theresa, for one, loves this show.
  5. A huge pile of bright yellow towels (not used I hope.) What am I supposed to do with the towels that do not fit our bathroom colors? Donate, obviously.

Five Reasons I Hate Re-gifting:

  1. I am your friend. Or so I thought until I got that pink lipstick. If you are my friend, I expect more of you. By “more” I mean not in a monetary sense, but as in “understanding” and “knowing what your friend is all about.”
  2. I am not a garbage can where you can dump all your unwanted things.
  3. I want to mean something to you. Is it too much to ask?
  4. I am tired of being polite because it’s Christmas.
  5. I am tired of looking into your puppy eyes while you are trying to figure out if I know that the garbage you gave me was not really meant for me. Boy, I hope it wasn’t!

If you do insist on re-gifting, at least please wrap your gift nicely, remove all name references, and please make sure it is unused. I mean it.

Comments (19)

  • Really? People gave those gifts? Wow.
    I’ve received hooks that have clearly been read, but are still my style and regifted wine (that we checked online to see if it was decent) as hostess gifts, but that’s about it.

  • WTF is Blazing Saddles? Sorry about your crappy gifts, Aloysa. Also, it’s pretty unbelievable they wouldn’t even check that there was a name inscribed in the book…

    • Hahahaha You don’t know what Blazing Saddles is (1974)? It is an old comedy. It is supposed to be funny. I guess it is cultural with me because I never find it funny, and if anything I find it really silly.

      • Ladies, really! Cowboy beans around a campfire, with predictable consequences. The very height of hilarity and refinement.
        But probably not suitable for an Xmas gift.

  • I love this post! I have several friends from the former Soviet Union and when I read this post it was like they were talking to me. Love your blog. Btw, re-gifting is an art form few should practice.

  • Boy do I love reading your posts!! 🙂

    I have a friend who gave a gift to his other friend last Christmas, and this year his friend gave it back to him. Hahahaha. I’m guessing his friend forgot where he got it from.

    • Hilarious!
      Maybe it was a hint? 😉

      • Would be perfect given back with a total straight face. I should try that sometime, if someone tries regifting to me.

        The benefit of saving a few bucks is wiped out totally by the tackiness of regifting. Not recommended.

  • Hahaha, those are regifts. But a Bible? Really? That’s a bit pushy, isn’t it? I didn’t get much gifts this year so I don’t have to worry about regifting. 🙂

  • Hah, funny post! Regifts are great, especially in weird situations. I’ve had to regift a home depot gift card before from grandparents who didn’t know I don’t own a home yet. Even better, my Uncle-in-law got a bottle of Jack Daniels for Christmas. Unfortunately his co-worker didn’t know he was sober so instead of being tempted he just regifted it!

    • You know, these gifts are decent. Someone always can use a gift card, right? And someone definitely can use a bottle of whiskey. 🙂

  • Used lipstick!!? Now that is plain cheap. I don’t regift, I would be too ashamed, unless the gift is really right for the receiver. not a big fan of Christmas so I have eradicated most gift giving anyway and keep to close family members that I wouldn’t dare regift some crap.

  • It’s the thought that counts right? Some people are just cheap….that’s a fact of life!

  • I hate re-gifting as well. Sometimes people just give gifts for the sake of giving a gift. No thought behind the gift whatsoever. I’d rather not receive any gift than being given a given gift.

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