I know, I know: the Holidays are over; it is time to move on.
My Christmas was gloomy and snowy. I did not get to see Le Miserables because it was all sold out. I did not know that people like to go to movies on Christmas. We did not go cross-country skiing because it was snowing. New Year’s Eve passed by in a blur of faking holiday cheer and being obnoxious to people.
Before I finally forget the holidays and do move on, I want to talk about re-gifting. Specifically, I want to ask you to please stop re-gifting me some crap that you also got as a gift. Please have some dignity and some respect for both of us.
Re-gifting is becoming a trend. Some people call it a frugal trend. Some people call it recycling. They even call themselves environmentalists. Give me a break, all right? Re-gifting is not frugal. It is not recycling. Drop that delusion of yours that you are saving the environment.
Re-gifting is cheap,thoughtless, and offensive. You want to be frugal and thoughtful? Bake me a cookie!
When did it become acceptable to re-gift an unwanted gift? Is it because you think that I might like it (emphasis on might)? Is it because you think you might score and become a forever beloved guest of honor? I hate to break the bad news to you, but most likely you are going to become a well-known jerk who “brought that ugly thing.”
Examples of Useless Junk I Got for Christmas
- A book signed to a friend. It was a poetry book. You could have forgotten that I do not read poetry. But how in the world did you forget that my name is not Theresa?
- Bible. We all know by now that I am agnostic from the former Soviet Union. Should I take your gift as a hint and go to church? I, honestly, do not know what to think. At least, you didn’t give me The Book of Mormon. For that, I thank you!
- Used bright pink lipstick. Have you ever seen me wearing pink lipstick? Have you? Please look into my eyes and answer my question.
- A Blazing Saddles DVD. I know there are those who love Blazing Saddles. Theresa, for one, loves this show.
- A huge pile of bright yellow towels (not used I hope.) What am I supposed to do with the towels that do not fit our bathroom colors? Donate, obviously.
Five Reasons I Hate Re-gifting:
- I am your friend. Or so I thought until I got that pink lipstick. If you are my friend, I expect more of you. By “more” I mean not in a monetary sense, but as in “understanding” and “knowing what your friend is all about.”
- I am not a garbage can where you can dump all your unwanted things.
- I want to mean something to you. Is it too much to ask?
- I am tired of being polite because it’s Christmas.
- I am tired of looking into your puppy eyes while you are trying to figure out if I know that the garbage you gave me was not really meant for me. Boy, I hope it wasn’t!
If you do insist on re-gifting, at least please wrap your gift nicely, remove all name references, and please make sure it is unused. I mean it.