Yes, YOU doing curls in the squat rack! Listen up!

I like lifting weights for one reason only. Lifting weights transforms your body faster than any cardio exercise will ever do. I am sure you can agree with me or you would not be here showing your competitive streak by lifting 300 pounds while screaming like a little boy who is being mauled be a bear.

If you ask me what is my preference in a workout, I will be honest and say that I don’t like to work out. But exercising is good for us, so I try to push myself and go to the gym, and make my way to the weight room where you and I are forced to spend time with each other for about thirty-forty minutes. Why can’t we make those minutes more pleasant and less annoying?

I hate the weight room at our gym because of you. I hate it very passionately. This passion of mine, negatively directed towards the weight room (but mostly directed towards you), upsets my husband because he loves lifting weights with me, and I refuse to go to the weight room as often as I should.

You, I am sure, love the weight room in our gym, because it seems to me that you are there all the time, grunting, screaming and throwing weights around the room.  You strut around, showing off in front of the others. You don’t realize it, but it makes you look like a bunch of pimply fourteen year olds. You look much, much older to me, by the way.

Besides being almost the only woman in the weight room, swirling my way to the squat rack among your sweaty and bulky bodies, while trying not to breath at the same time, I am also almost the only person in the weight room who does a full body work out. It might come as a surprise to you but the idea of the squat rack is … to do squats. Ever heard of them?

For some reason you never do squats in the weight room. Or deadlifts. Or lunges. Mostly you do upper body workouts. You obsessively work your chest, arms and back. I have to admit (with a cringe and a sigh) that as the result of these workouts, your upper bodies look great.

But your legs… I want to call them chicken legs. Do your leg workouts! First, it will make me look less out of place when I do squats in the weight room. Second, your chicken legs will disappear, and your body will look proportionate.

I think that you are afraid of lower body work out for a reason: some of you posses less coordination and flexibility in your lower body, and it is easier to ignore workouts such as deadlifts, lunges and step-ups. And my favorite squats!

Talking about squats … again. The squat rack is for squats and NOT for barbell curls. Do not swing your whole body in front of me while attempting to curl in the squat rack. Seriously, I am not obsessed with squats, even though I sound like I am. I am just asking – please no curls in the squat rack.

One more thing! Very important! Guys, stop grunting, twisting around, and screaming while trying to curl 200 pounds. Either stop making all the noises, or do us all a favor, and lower the weight. Amen!

American Debt Project introduces the eBay Series: The eBay Series: Successful eBay Customer Service. Don’t miss it!

101 Centavos is resurrecting some of his dormant posts. I highly recommend Career Tips For Young Folks.

20s Finances is talking about Commuting to Work by Bike to Save Money. Let’s wish him good luck with this endeavor.

Daily Money Shot is explaining Why we’ll never be a 1 car family.

Retire By 40 might be taking an early retirement soon. There is no surprise that he is pre-occupied with Healthcare Options for Early Retirees and the Self Employed.

See Debt Run discusses Should We Buy A Dog? (The Conclusion) I am linking to the second part. Make sure to read the first one!

When Life Gives You Lemons posed a very interesting question Are Bloggers Really Writers? What do you think?

Must read posts of the week:

Musings of an Abstract Aucklander says it all in On authenticity in blogging. Why do you comment on other blogs? What blogs do you read and why? Are you honest with yourself? Head over and read it!

Financial Samurai is admitting that he is Longing To Take A Break But My Conscience Won’t Allow. It seems that Sam has arrived at a point in his life when he needs a change, a new direction, a new challenge. I wish him all the best, and I am interested to see where this takes him.

Money is very important in our society. We are all working very hard for all the money we can get our hands on. Money brings out the worst in people as it has been blamed for destroying marriages, friendships, and even families. My opinion is that money is being used as the excuse to destroy marriages, friendships, and even families. Not in all cases is this true, but I think it is correct in my situation.

I was unemployed for about nine months. At the time, I was renting a room from my friend. A very good friend that I had known for over fifteen years. I did not have money for rent. It was not a situation that I wanted to find myself in, and I hope to never find myself in again.

I could not find a job in the little town that I was living. I decided to move to a bigger town to find work. I told him as I was moving out that I would pay him the rent that I owed him. Many months later I finally started working and trying to catch up with my bills and current rent. I was able to send him a tiny amount of money to start paying him back. I know he appreciated it, and I felt good about paying him back for the rent that I owed.

Unfortunately, as I was slowly getting back on my feet I met my wife. Don’t get me wrong, it was absolutely fortunate that I met my wife. It was unfortunate that I no longer sent my friend money because I was spending it all while dating the love of my life. My money went to restaurants and movie theaters, not to my friend. Next thing you know, I was moving in with my future wife and soon after that I was trying to save up for our wedding.

My debt’s importance was not high on my list of matters that needed attention. After our wedding we immediately started saving money for a house, so we could move out of the dump we lived in.

When I look back, I can see my friend’s frustration with me and how it may have looked like I had moved on and had forgot about my debt. A year and a half had past since my one payment, and my life had turned upside down. My priorities had changed but I still thought about the debt that I owed and it was important to me to pay it off.

It had been years since I had moved out of my friend’s house, and I was stable and ready to pay my friend the money I owed him. I was going to start looking for a second job to pay him back, but I heard that I was too late and that we were no longer friends. We have still not talked and it has been over six years.

I have no excuses, and it is unacceptable that I didn’t pay my friend the rent I owed him. I take full responsibility that my actions, or inaction had ended this friendship. I wish I had handled things differently. All of this being said, did our friendship really come to an end over six hundred dollars? This is too hard for me to accept.

I don’t think our friendship of over fifteen years was toppled helplessly by the debt owed of six hundred dollars. I have come to the conclusion that we weren’t as good friends as I had thought we were. Our friendship would have ended eventually, and I think the measly six hundred dollars was just the excuse he needed to not have to pretend to be my friend anymore. I believe this because I was never even giving a chance by him to communicate my intentions with the debt. I was not given the chance to grovel, apologize, yell, cry…nothing.

I know that someday I will be given the chance to pay him back and to apologize. Are we going to go back to being friends? It shakes me to my core, and it deeply saddens me to say that I don’t think so.

Six hundred dollars may or may not have destroyed my friendship, but money was definitely involved.

I stopped going out to work lunches as often as I used to. I stopped going to coffee shops with co-workers. I started to bring my own lunches and my own coffee to work.

Surprisingly enough, I do not miss the fancy lattes that I used to drink at least twice a week. I also don’t miss my lunches with colleagues. My work responsibilities doubled within the last year or so, and time-wise I cannot afford a two-hour lunch outside of the office. Of course, I still get out here and there. Just not as often as I used to.

I have to admit that I like these changes. First, my bank account is much healthier. Second, I lost four pounds just by bringing food to work. Third, my work became more efficient.

However, I also noticed that some people think that I became anti-social. Curious enough, they started asking me questions that they never bothered to ask me before:

“Are you saving money for your next vacation?”

“Do you have a lot of bills to pay?”

“Are you in debt? How much do you owe?”

People’s quick curiosity blows me away. First of all, I don’t think I should explain myself to anyone (well, maybe my mother if she asks me about it.) Second, I am surprised that people, who are not even my close friends, feel that it is okay to question someone else’s financial choices.

What makes it okay for them to intrude into my financial life? No one asks me if I had sex with Beaker over the weekend, so why is it okay to ask me if I am saving money for my next vacation or if I have a lot of bills to pay? I cannot imagine myself asking someone whom I barely know these type of questions.

Lunches run quite expensive in downtown Salt Lake. If you are not a fan of street vendors and tacos, your lunch options will range from $15 to $20. Two lunches a week add up to $40. You do the math!

I don’t think I have to defend my decisions. I am not a frugal person. I am definitely not anti-social. I enjoy good company and fun conversations over delicious food. I enjoy the experience. However, it doesn’t mean that I will do it with everyone who hovers over me in my cubicle and asks if I want to go out to lunch.

I found it fascinating that people tend to get very judgmental when it gets to socializing and financial life of others. I guess when people don’t understand someone, they tend to make up things to fill in the void created by non-comprehension.

For someone like me, making it in the land of opportunity was not just about hard work and determination. It was about sacrifice. It was about experiencing changes, and sometimes not good. It was about betraying a part of who you were in order to become who you wanted to be.

I discovered that there was a world of difference between stupidity and naiveté. I also learned that not everything was just “yes” or “no” in life. Sometimes a “maybe” offered a greater clarity and deeper insight into life, work and money.

Our lives are filled with small lessons that matter the most, even though they seem ordinary at first. But if you take some distance and look back, you will see the chain of smaller events those lessons unleashed.

The following is what I learned on the road to making it in America.

Lesson 1: Face your fears because you will have a lot of them. 

Recognize, acknowledge and embrace them. Don’t let those shivers, those unexplainable creeps stop you from moving forward. Clear them. Fight them. Suppress them. Ignore them. Do something!

I had my own dark fears. No, not the type that makes you squeal in the middle of the night like a terrified piglet. The other kind. Emotional. For a year or so after my glorious arrival to the states, my biggest apprehension was of my accent. I was afraid to talk to people because I was ashamed of it. So, I kept my mouth shut. Most of the time. I missed out on many opportunities because of this quite deep and foolish, in retrospect, phobia.

Lesson 2: Embrace economic mobility. 

I think no other country in the world offers economic mobility in a way that America does. You can chase your dream all over the country, and sometimes, you can even catch it. People have opportunities as long as they don’t mind moving in pursuit of a new job, education, or just in pursuit of happiness.

Lesson 3: Create your own (not Warren Buffet’s) notion of success. 

You have to know what you, and only you want. If you are not sure, you might end up floating through life aimlessly. You can have a dream to become the next Warren Buffet. There is nothing wrong with it as long as it is your dream, and not someone else’s expectations of you.

Lesson 4: Make sure you know what you need to do when you get up in the morning without having to be told, directed or persuaded by someone else. 

You have to stick to your plan, assuming you have one. Have a mind of your own. Just because someone is older, more experienced, more educated, more knowledgable, it does not mean that that person knows what you need to do to achieve your dream.

Lesson 5: Lose some friends. 

Sometimes your friends and you go in different directions, pursuing different dreams, achieving different goals, becoming different people. It is totally okay. It might hurt. It might disappoint, but it is all for the better.

Lesson 6: Gain and preserve some monopoly of knowledge. 

Do you want to be a team player? Of course you do, because you were conditioned into thinking that playing nice and being a part of a team will get you further in life. It is a wonderful but unrealistic notion in a cutthroat competitive world.

I’d say - choose a profession that you can be good at, learn everything you can and do not share your knowledge. Be a smart team player, the one who always knows a little bit more than everyone else. Knowledge is power, remember?

Lesson 7: Know your limits.

We all have our limits. If we try to overreach, overachieve or overdo, we might collapse under the burden of disappointments, burnout and depression.

Anything else?

You’ll find her “uncommon sense” at: www.wisdomona.blogspot.com

The recent Aloysa’s post on closet ruts, styling up and never having anything to wear despite a wardrobe fit to burst, brought to mind the idea of a capsule wardrobe.

This is a wardrobe that you can pack up and take anywhere. You’ll always travel light and still feel a la mode!

Face it, most people don’t remember what you wear unless you’re a Hollywood socialite who attends red carpet ceremonies, rubs shoulders with royalty or gets chased after by the paparazzi on a frequent basis.

What is Capsule Wardrobe?

Many women buy clothes on impulse and I’m guilty of that as much as anyone. There are some horrors in my drawers, and sometimes I get a lump in my throat when donation time comes as I recall where I bought them and what they cost. As I mature, I’ve become wiser. Now, I am committed to making more critical choices. If the item I’m contemplating doesn’t mix and match with at least five of my wardrobe staples, then I don’t usually buy.

A capsule wardrobe is ideal for the woman who’s fed up with buying clothes that end up hanging forlornly in her closet with a sign saying: “ worn once…what the bleep?!”

A capsule wardrobe is simplicity itself: 2 pairs of trousers, 1 skirt, 4 tops, 2 pairs of shoes, 3 scarves, 2 belts and jewelry.  You could have a summer and winter capsule – less is more!

Capsule Staples

Before you start on your trip to the mall, analyze yourself. Dress for your shape not your size. Check out fashion magazines for the latest trends, but whatever looks good on a model will not look the same on you. If you’re not stick thin, then 90% of contemporary fashion will not be for you. No one should ever go on a crash diet to look better in their clothes. Dieting is all about improving health not image.

For your bottom half, go for fabrics that are heavy and well cut (for summer, cottons are best). Black, grey and navy are classical staples, and the latter is the choice of power dressers.

Colour is key, and you should devote some time to colour psychology. This is the art of choosing colours that resonate within. Your tops, ideally – 2 t-shirts, 1 shirt, 2 cardigans, 1 jacket – must all be in colours that complement your eyes and skin tone. Lace and dainty embellishments on blouses draw the eye in.

White is a must as it reflects back on your face and lightens it. Pastel colours are great for summer and warm, earthy tones look best in winter. Check out your colour chart before you buy.

Accessories

Accessories are vital. Scarves can be worn all year round. Woolen ones in winter and silk for summer can be draped around any outfit and create interest around a plain T-shirt.

Belts are excellent for definition. Don’t just wear them to hold up your jeans but wear them over a shirt slung low around your hips. Buy belts with tasteful but eye-catching designs on the buckle.

Make space in your capsule for a bolero, waistcoat or tank top. Some well chosen but inexpensive pieces of jewelry will further coordinate your look. Try wearing three chains of differing lengths together with a pair of swishy earrings…it’ll get all your girlfriends talking.

The best dressed feet don’t require 28 pairs of shoes gathering dust in your cupboard! One pair of boots and one pair of decent shoes that are comfortable are ample.

For social occasions, keep a little black dress that you can add on with sequins, diamond studs etc. and a pair of heels.

Appearance

Another way of looking great, without filling up your closet, is to dye your hair in bold shades. Add a little drama to your hair and heighten your features. I’m dark-haired so I like to add individual tones of plum, midnight blue and crimson. When you think you have nothing to wear, it could be that you just need a hair makeover.

Make up is also minimal and you just need a little to brighten up your face. Bring out eyes and lips with shades that enhance your unique features.

I’m sure that you’re all aghast as you imagine how it would be possible to survive on such a meager couture diet, but managing your clothes is not dissimilar to managing your money.

Final Thoughts

First rule is you never go shopping when you’re feeling low. Keep your emotions in check and you’ll soon notice that random buys (the ones you hate afterwards) were bought when you were feeling down, tired, hungry or bored.

Think small. A capsule is the way to go if you’re suffering from shopping fatigue. If you base your clothes choices around colour, cut and content you’re on your way to costume independence.

Want to look good on a budget? With a capsule you can! Think before you buy, and if it doesn’t fit with your capsule criteria then walk away…when you acquire inner style and real class you’ll know instinctively what’s right!

Clothes can make us feel good, but an empowered woman knows that confidence is the best outfit of all; so wear it with pride and panache.

A capsule convert never takes an age to get ready, always has something to wear and their partners are happy people!

If you want to create excitement in your life clothes, shopping is truly not the way. What your heart’s really saying is that it needs new experiences. So grab your capsule and take a trip to someplace that you’ve never been to before.

Aloysa’s two cents: Lately I’ve been intrigued by a minimalist way of life. I’ve been reading a lot of minimalist blogs (a post is coming up on it soon), and I have to admit that, even though, the idea of minimalism amuses and fascinates me, I am not sure I could ever live a minimalistic lifestyle. Therefore, a capsule wardrobe is a little bit too… small for me. However, I can see myself utilizing some of its staples. 

Spring of 2012 started with no exception. Last Saturday I methodically examined my current tops and skirts, shoes and handbags. The conclusion, that I achieved after this thorough evaluation, was gloomy.

Ever had that mundane and nagging feeling that you have absolutely nothing to wear even though you have plenty?

I am a strong believer that material things do not define us. However, I have to admit that I do like to define myself with clothes. I call it “styling up.”

Although I love shopping and if I could I would live in a mall, I am a reasonable person who understands that I don’t need to update my closet every season. I have plenty to work with as it is. I can try to retrain myself to spend and consume intelligibly. Right? RIGHT?

My Retraining Course 

De-clutter (again)

Every season I go through my clothes and shoes, and weed out everything that I did not wear for a long time. I put everything in two piles:

WTF was I thinking pile

and

I am such a fashionista pile.

This time around, when I was done with cleaning, organizing and re-arranging my clothes, I was able to see clearly what I have and what was overlooked and forgotten.

From there I moved on to…

Creating My Work Uniform

No, not a girl scout uniform, but something that is my staple, something that I wear most of the time, something that makes me feel comfortable and stylish. We all have those outfits. We just need to find them in our closets

At this point I was ready to…

Go Back To Basics

Basics are classy. Basics are elegant. Most importantly, basics are simple. My basics are pencil skirts and nice-fitting black or dark grey slacks.

However, I have to admit that basics can be boring. That’s why I should re-train myself to…

Read Fashion Magazines Intelligibly

I don’t know about you, but fashion magazines compel me to spend. I flip through glossy pages, and a familiar craving for novelty, trendy clothes, and bright colors builds up inside me. For a very long time I could not resist it.

However, I decided that if I want to claim myself to be an intelligent consumer, I should read between the lines, and not take anything too seriously.

Now I am trying to look at any fashion magazines (Pinterest as well) as a teaching tool, a showcase on how to experiment with what I already have in my closet. I am determined to try different pairings of my clothes each week. I am going to fold. I am going to layer. I am going to create!

What do you do to get out of your closet rut?

I’ve been given the advice below by my friends, co-workers, financial bloggers, and even strangers. I listen, absorb and I never argue because I believe that everyone is entitled to the life they choose to live.

Travel When You Retire

I’ve been told numerous times that we spend too much money on travel. I tend to agree.

We, probably, are delaying our retirement because we choose to travel instead.

We prefer to travel while we are young and can do activities that we, most likely, would not be able to enjoy when we are in our sixties or seventies (assuming we make it to that age.) We choose to travel while we can enjoy our trips fully.

Also, bare in mind that travel should not be expensive. You can take a road trip. You can go camping in one of so many national parks that the U.S. has to offer. You can take a cheap cruise and chill. Options for travel are unlimited, and as long as you are still saving and not financing your travel with credit cards, why refuse yourself something that you might not be able to experience later in life?

Get Rid of Cable 

I don’t watch TV much but when I do watch it, I enjoy it. I don’t think that TV rots our brains and takes away our valuable time. I don’t snack (most of the time) when I watch TV, so it doesn’t make me overweight. Of course how TV affects your life depends on how much of it you do watch.

Our cable bill is $17 a month. Is it breaking our bank account? No. There are other things that do the damage.

We don’t have HBO, Showtime or Starz. We could try to be frugal (and miserable) and install a good over-the-air antenna, trying to get my favorite AMC channel. I, probably, would end up crying because my Sunday nights would be Mad Men-less. Don Draper alone is worth so much more than $17!

Buy In Bulk 

“The more you buy, the more you save.”

Ever heard this marketing pitch? I have heard it numerous times, and I hate it. Why not to be honest and just say:

“The more you buy, the more you spend, the more you get what you don’t need.”

Same principle applies to the big warehouse clubs (Costco, Sam’s, and etc.) Beaker and I stopped shopping in Costco a long time ago. A family of two does not need much. We definitely do not need a case of 24-bottles of ketchup. Honestly, I don’t know anyone who does need it. Even if we (for some psychotic reason) do need a case of 24-bottles of ketchup, where in the world we would be storing it? Our small condo is not equipped with a great amount of storage space.

Make Your Own Gifts 

I am not a crafty person. I am not a do-it-yourself person. I don’t do the following:

• knit
• sew
• draw
• cook
• bake

I am useless in DIY department. But most importantly, I would not enjoy any of these activities. Although you might save some money by making gifts yourself, you still need to spend to get what you need to make a gift.

Cut Your Own Hair

This advice always blows me away. Really? Do you cut your own hair? When was the last time you looked in a mirror?

I know people who cut their own hair. They don’t look good. They look like they cut their own hair. I have yet to see a person who cuts their own hair and looks good. If you think you are the one, email me your picture.